Today’s Girl Talk Thursday question is pretty tough. What are you too chicken shit to do? Oh, there are so many things.
Rock climbing. I think it looks cool. I’d love to try a rock climbing wall, but I’m seriously scared. I hate heights and the idea of the only thing between me and a serious fall is a little piece of rope, yikes. I’m just not sure I can handle it.
Falling. I know it sounds crazy, but I’m terrified of falling. Every time I’ve fallen, I’ve done serious damage to myself (sprains, knee surgery, etc., etc., etc), so any kind of a fall makes me completely petrified. Which means I haven’t ridden a bike in years. I haven’t used my roller blades in so long, I don’t even know if I could skate anymore.
Trying new things. I’m terrified of new things. Especially new things where I don’t know if I have any skill or not. I have always had such impossibly high standards for myself that the thought of failing at something makes me physically ill. This, clearly, is not a great attribute, and not one that I want to pass on to my kids, but I’m still working on how we get around that.
Go to conferences. I used to go. Hell, I was on the academic circuit for quite a while. I LOVED going to ASECS (American Society of Eighteenth-Century Studies) every year, and now I hyperventilate at the thought of going. Even to a conference like that one where I know a lot of people and would be fine. The thought of BlogHer or Blissdom makes me so panicky I can’t think.
Do something different with my life. I spent many, many years getting my degree. I, for the most part, love what I do. But part of me really wants to try doing something else. Except I don’t think I know how to do anything else and I’m scared to try to find out if I do or to try something else because, oh yeah, I might fail. I’ve always loved taking pictures, for example. But I don’t think I’m good enough to do it for living or even as a “professional” hobby. Sigh.
Deal with unresolved issues. There are unresolved issues in parts of my life that I am just too scared to deal with. I’ve tried and had things shoved back at me pretty damned hard, and I just don’t feel brave enough to try again. There are times when I really hate that, but the rest of the time, I’m reasonably good with it.
Just thinking about all of this is tiring. So, I’m going to go grade. You make sure to go check out the other Girl Talk Thursday entries. I know I will be between papers.