Waiting

Waiting sucks.

We are waiting, patiently, for the doctors to coordinate and let us know when they plan to operate on Katie. We have a tentative date and I’ve used that tentative date to book kennel space for the dogs, but we can’t make arrangements for Ben until we have an actual date. We can’t inform all of the parties who want to know what’s going on because we don’t know ourselves.

I only received the tentative date because I begged for it. I had to explain that Sam (the older dog) has serious medical issues, which she does. Serious enough that she cannot be kenneled by any reputable kennel in this area. There are too many pills and too many issues that have to be dealt with for her to be comfortable and safe in a normal environment. She has, in the past, gone to stay with my parents, but at this juncture, her needs are a little too complex for them to handle and their environment (having to be walked where other dogs are walked) is not ideal for her. Fortunately, her vet is willing to board her and, from what we’ve been told, goes to some rather serious extremes to protect her when she’s with them. They’ve agreed to take her partner in crime as well, even though that takes away one emergency space should they need it. I am so grateful the girls can stay together. Sam will be calmer and less likely to stop eating if Peyton is with her. Since Peyton won’t stop eating for anything, it’s very likely that Sam will eat, too. Plus, I know that if anything starts to go wrong, Sam is in the best place for her, so I don’t have to worry about her while we’re handling Katie’s situation.

Katie continues to grow and, to me at least, it’s becoming more obvious that her forehead isn’t keeping up with the rest of her. She’s adorable, but her face does look out of proportion and that makes me sad. I know that P has continued to believe this is all wrong and she’s suddenly going to surprise everyone and just be fine, but I think even he is letting go of that dream now. Even he can see that something just isn’t quite right with our adorable little girl.

And she is adorable. While she’s waiting for this big event, which still seems so unreal to me, she is getting teeth (top front right came in on Monday), learning to stand, crawling, and starting on puffy snacks. She’s doing this all with amazing grace and speed.

We’re living our whole lives in a before the surgery vs. after the surgery mode. It’s draining and emotionally battering. We can’t seem to plan past September. I’m afraid to go beyond that because I don’t know what the future is going to hold. I want to believe that she’s going to be okay. I want to believe that this is going to go fine and she’s going to come out the other side with no lasting issues.

And then I remember she’s my daughter and I remember her birth, and I remember that just because these are done all the time and these are things that have so few people experience complications, that doesn’t mean that she won’t experience them. I’m thinking positively. I’m praying. I’m keeping the faith, but I’m here to tell you that it gets harder every day and will continue to get harder until we get that date so at least we know when our lives are going to be put on hold.

I hope it’s soon.